Memories
by acollectionoffavoritequotes
Summary: Raistlin's thinking...and remembering...a certain someone...(written to Sting's Ghost Story, i.e. this is a song-fic)(one-shot) Shounen-ai


**I was listening to ghost song, and s few of the lines started reminding me of strum, and others of raistlin. henceforth, this story.**

**"" -speacking, bold- song lyrics, '' -thinking, italics -memories**

**Shounen-ai warning**

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Raistlin sat, his frail body suported by the large armchair, watching to fire dance before him, and the setting sun in the window next to him.

**I watch the western sky  
The sun is sinking  
The geese are flying south  
It sets me thinking**

'It's been almost a year, since you died, defending some stupid tower form my half-sister.... Why have I been thinking of you for the last few nights? You hated me, and the feeling was mutral.'

**I did not miss you much  
I did not suffer**

'I didn't care at all when I heard you died...I just shrugged and contuined with what I was doing.'

**What did not kill me  
Just made me tougher**

The sun set over the fair city, but the tower he know controlled was always bathed in shadows. Raistlin didn't care much. He didn't care about a lot of things actuly...

**I feel the winter come  
His icy sinews,**

He shivered slightly. He hated winter...Not because of the memories that came with it, but because it got so damnablely cold out...Not at all because winter was the last time he saw the knight 'fore he died...Not at all...It was just because it was so cold...

**Now in the firelight  
The case continues  
Another night in court  
The same old trial**

The flames flickered and danced before his golden eyes, acusing him it seemed, yet, what did the fire have to acuse him of? Exept, of caring, of remembering when he'd rather not...What did he care if the knight died a year ago? Defending this very city...

**The same old questions asked  
The same denial**

'I don't care...really...I have no idea why I'm even wasting my time thinking about this...He was an honor bound idiot, and he died for it. I lost count of the times his honor nearly cost us our lives...Or his hatred of me...Not that I cared that he hated me more than any thing else upon this world...I never cared...I didn't...

**The shadows closing round  
Like jury members**

He glanced around the smallish room, noticing how the shadows seemed to be dancing in time with the acusing flames.

**I look for answers in  
The fire's embers**

'Why do I remember this? Why am I thinking about you? You stupid knight...Get out of my head!'

**Why was I missing then  
That whole December?  
I give my usual line,  
I don't remember**

'I don't want to remember...Why? Why am I thinking of you? Why Strum? Why? Why do you haunt me? Did you really hate me that much? Well...yes...you hate me, I hated you...I hate you...'

**Another winter comes  
His icy fingers creep  
Into these bones of mine**

Raistlin shivered. He burrowed into the chair, but that did not help. He was so cold...And something told him,nothing on this world would warm him...At least, nothing he could claim.

**These memories never sleep**

'GET OUT OF MY HEAD STRUM!'

**And all these differences  
A cloak I borrowed  
We kept our distances**

'We hate eachother...We do...Al those years we fought, we hated, we hate...Even with you in your high and mighty grave...We hate eachother.'

**Why should it follow that**

'Not that I care at all...I don't care that we'll hate eachother beyound death...It doesn't bother me at...all...' Raistlin gasped slightly as he slide from the chair to kneel on the floor before the dancing flames. His white hair hung limp around his face as he gasped for breath. 'Yes it does...Oh...Strum...It hurts so much... Why does it hurt?'

**I must have loved you?**

'I loved him. No, I _love_ him...'

**What is the force that binds the stars? **

_Looking up at the sky, seeing the Dark Queen and Sliver Dragon gone...The high Strum scoffing at his fright...Stupid, arrogant Knight... You don't know me..._

**I wore this mask to hide my scars**

_"YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD! Learn some human emotion...Like compassion and love..." _'But didn't you see? I knew those emotions...all too well...But everytime I showed them...I got hurt...You...You never got hurt by them...YOU DIDN'T UNDERSTAND! I wasn't like you....'

**What is the power that pulls the tide?**

_The knight glaring at him, for some offense or other...Always glaring at him in hate... And Raistlin glaring right back at him...How many scathing remarks had they exchanged over the course of their aquantance...?_

**Never could find a place to hide**

'You followed me every were....And people wondered why I took the black robes...Everyone- even me!- thought it was just because I wanted power so much...But really...What I wanted was you to acknowalge me...To see me... See what I could do...To have you...You bow to me...And at the same tme it was so I could get away from you...You'd loathe me for taking the black...You'd run away...But you died beefore then...'

**What moves the earth around the sun?  
What could I do but run and run and run?**

'I kissed you once...You were standing there, sio self-rightous, it just drove me crazy...Of course then I thought it was nough but your arrogance that drove me mad...How wrong I was...But you stood there, lecturing me, and you wouldn't shut up...And everytime I tried to turn away, you'd grab my arm, and lecture me more! So...out of ideas...I kissed you to shut you up...And when you let go in shock...I ran... I ran and ran and ran...And my body's not made for running...But wanting to get away from you gave me wings. Or mabye it was touching you that let me fly...'

**Afraid to love, afraid to fail**

'Afterwards, later on, you never came near me without other's there...Exept once, before we parted ways....forever. You were watching me warily, as i sat on a stump, not looking at you.'

_"Why?'_

_"Why what?"_

_"Why did you..."_

_"Kiss you? It was the only way to shut you up."_

_"Couldn't you-in all your briallance- think of something a bit LESS shameful?"_

_"You weren't being very helpful...I couldn't think with you blabbing in my ear non-stop."_

_Strum growled at him, he easily ignored the angered knight. Huffing, Strum stalked off. Something inside Raistlin hurt, and he almost wanted to call out ot the knight...But he didn't. Then..._

**A mast without a sail  
The moon's a fingernail  
And slowly sinking**

'Then the building fell on Tanis and I, and I never saw you again...Even if I had...' Raistlin looked out the window, slightly startled that it was almost dawn.

**Another day begins  
And now I'm thinking  
That this is indifference  
Was my invention  
**"I nver hated you..." he whisphered into the silence. "I just didn't admit that to anyone...Not even myself...Until it was far too late..."

**When everything I did  
Sought your attention**

'Everything I did...It was showing off to you, wanting you to see me, everytime i yelled at you, I was trying to get you to see me.the hurt inside me...But you didn't, did you? Did you? But did you ignore it because I was a mage? And everytime I got you to yell at me, I felt better, because you were paying atenchion to me...To ME, and no other...'

**You were my compass star  
You were my measure**

"DAMN YOU AND YOUR STUPID OATH AND MEASURE! That's what killed you...If only you were still alive...Then mabye I would have understood these feelings, been able to tell you...To hold you..Now..Now I desire a phantom...A ghost..."

**You were a pirate's map  
Of buried treasure  
If this was all correct  
The last thing I'd expect**

"DAMN YOU STRUM BRIGHTBLADE!"

**The prosecution rests  
It's time that I confessed**

"You and your stupid honor...Your fucking honor..."

**I must have loved you**

Raistlin knew he was crying...But he really didn't care...He just knelt on the floor and sobbed. "Your fucking honor that got you killed...I love you...So much..."

"I only wish I could tell you that...Strum Brightblade...I love you...And when I die, if I do, and if we find eachother in the next life, I will tell you that..."

**I must have loved you**

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**what'd cha think? (sorry for any errors) i have only found one other raist/strum story...so the pairings not my idea, but i like it :D**


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